In this world of liberals and
conservatives, we struggle to answer the long persistent enigma: Can Boys and
Girls remain as ordinary friends? The answer is debatable. It is a subject which
requires readers to ponder and reflect. While one can come across people who
will nod in agreement, there are countless who will suggest otherwise due the
natural heterosexual tension which exists between both genders.
We live in a world that is too diverse and every part of it has different
Scio-political traditions stemming from their ancestors and driven by religion
or old customs. Such diversity then accordingly shapes everyday life which also
includes the nature of relationship of a boy and girl. A quick glimpse at the
medieval practices which thrive on segregation suggest that male and females
cannot have any social interaction but can only have social contract which is
marriage in pure sense. Anything beyond such a contract was deemed as immoral
and something beyond the ambit of the then social practices. Non adherence to
the set customs was considered a total defiance which was then treated brutally.
This confounding debate also stems from social media. Social media like Facebook,
and movies like Ho Mann Jahan, Pakistani; Friends with Benefits, American; and
Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani, Indian, have proved male and female friends turning
lovers at some point of their friendship. Such social media strategies influence
short term friendships turning them into a relationship. In a friendship,
involving a boy and a girl, where there is a great deal of respect for the other
person, sense of security, trust, and confidence- within one’s own self and in
the partner- likely are chances of that friendship turning into a relation. This
is because spending your life with someone you know is easier than finding
someone, to know, in order to spend your lives together.
However, the inception of enlightenment followed by the era of modernity has
changed everything. The belief that men and women cannot be ‘just friends’
prevailed in an era when women were secluded to home and men were in the
workplace, and their meetings indicated a relationship no other than an intimate
one. Today we make friends at workplace, in schools and in communities. Often
such friendships remain professional. Sometimes men and women tend to have
conservative as well as egotistical viewpoints. Each views the other with
inferiority, and discriminates the other gender based on stereotyped- rather
than the actual- role each play. In such cases it is unlikely that the relation
will exceed boundaries of being friends due to distinct thinking and reduced
chances of compatibility.
Also, both friends in a heterosexual friendship may have distinct personalities;
hence, due to lack of understanding, they may not find themselves compatible to
each other for an intimate relationship. Thus, they restrict each other to the
friend zone. Every relation requires elements of trust, patience and tolerance.
Lack of any of these can still be endured in a friendship; however, a
relationship which lacks the qualities mentioned above, is out of question.
Therefore, impatient and intolerant people tend to remain just friends, and they
avoid closeness.
Age plays a vital role in determining the answer. Very young boys and girls tend
to be just friends. However, teenagers and adults may lead their friendship into
a relation due to their concept of love, relations and sexuality. Friends are
people who are helpful and benign towards you, and they act as the source of
entertainment and fun in your life. One can chat and gossip with them without
any feelings of intimacy coming in between. School friends and classmates are
best example of such peers where you may have a large group of friends of the
opposite gender, yet they tend to remain just your peers and nothing more.
Like the thought that boys and girls can be friends it is equally plausible to
think otherwise. In a conservative society like that of ours the interaction of
man and women is not appreciated, hence the mingling of male and female is
deemed as nothing but moral decadence. However, this should not suggest in any
way that they can’t be friends, as it is evident in our relatively moderate
urban areas and elsewhere in the world that girls and boys mingle as mere
friends without developing any complication of any sorts.
There can be countless arguments suggesting that a boy and girl and can be
friends however arguments too exist to suggest otherwise. There are several
factors which play a role when considering a boy and girl’s friendship. Hence,
the answer to it is normative and will largely depend on the background,
societal orientation, religion and culture of a particular society.