We all know what anger is, and
we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets
out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work,
in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it
can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful
emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to
intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist
who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by
physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and
blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and
noradrenaline.
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at
a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a
canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about
your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also
trigger angry feelings.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with
their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and
calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is
the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make
clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others.
Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful
of yourself and others.
If you're honest, there will be at least some occasions now and then when you
feel really annoyed with other people. Perhaps it's because something you wanted
to do was thwarted by someone else's preferences, or perhaps it is something
that was said or implied. At other times, it may be as simple as finding every
noise, movement, and distraction very bothersome because you're fatigued or
unwell.
My personal experiences the past few weeks have provided “up close and personal”
confirmation of people becoming more and more rude with their cell phones. And
the personal observations are backed up by many polls, which indicate such
findings as: cell phone rudeness is the #1 complaint of diners (Zagat Restaurant
Survey); the most abhorred uses of cell phones (according to USA Today) are over
dinner (86%), in a meeting (88%), in a movie (96%) and at a funeral (98%); and
the worst cell phone habit is unnecessarily loud conversations in public places
In some cases, you may need to unlearn anger habits, as annoyance is often
sourced in unresolved anger. A course in anger management might be extremely
helpful if you're finding almost everyone annoys you.
Try meditation. It may help to reground you and open your mind up to peaceful
ways of approaching challenging situations and difficult people. Remember you
are not the object. Most people are not trying to annoy you. They probably don't
realize that what they are doing is annoying. In other words, they are probably
in their "own world" and arent' even aware of you. For example someone talking
on their cell phone and are engrossed in their own conversation while totally
annoying the rest of the people within earshot. ... you know like that.Everyone
gets annoyed sometimes. Which means people will be annoyed with you sometimes
too because we're all in a position to do or say annoying things now and then.
Try to focus on what you can do to adopt a more compassionate, guiding approach
to an annoying behavior or action. Consider the ways in which you can provide
constructive feedback to try and alleviate the annoying behavior or activities
rather than blowing your top or creating a negative atmosphere. As part of this,
be interested in the other person. If that sounds difficult, then there is all
the more reason to put your compassionate self into action.
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Focus on the humor in the situation. Laugh off whatever has caused you to feel
so annoyed and try to imagine the annoying behavior or situation in a more
humorous light, along with how you might just have the totally wrong end of the
stick