Oh Mom you don’t understand!
Its a new era, things have been changed now!
This sentence or likewise expression has continuously been uttered and shall
always be so in every home, Whether it belongs to East or the West. More often
children use these words of exclamations to their parents especially to mothers,
whenever, they (level headed parents) try to teach them how to deal with life’s
ups and downs. Every mother has to listen to this sentence once in a life time.
In fact it’s a sort of natural phenomenon, as the children grew up they do
realize that their parents have spent an “older version” of time which was not
ultra modern as compare to the present scenario. Well they are right to some
extent.
Any way, whenever I hear this sentence, my thoughts entangle with the verse of
glorious Qur’aan. The verse of surah Asra which says “YOUR LORD HAS DECREED THAT
YOU WORSHIP NONE HIM AND DO GOOD TO PARENTS. IF ANY ON OF THEM OR BOTH OF THEM
REACH OLD AGE, DO NOT SAY TO THEM UFF (a word or expression of anger or
contempt) AND DO NOT SCOLD THEM RATHER ADDRESS THEM WITH RESPECTFUL WORDS (Suratul
Asra 23)
Textual evidence, testifying to the prestige of parents, in the Qur’aan and the
Ahadeeth abounds. Howe grateful we should be to our ALLAH S.W.T and his beloved
Prophet Peace be upon him, that they gave us guiding principle regarding our
being mindful of our most precious possessions, our parents. I have been
thinking for quite some time about this specific word UFF or FIE rather I have
been so keen so meticulous and got an area of interest towards this tiny word
therefore I wanted to do some research. I thought I should enrich my healthy (as
far as i am concerned) curiosity that, why Almighty ALLAH S.W.T has to use this
word.
Obviously one might be thinking that he never articulate Uff to their parents,
rather if we notice that conversation or argument in anger or in irritation
starts with words of contemptness (most of the time) in reality this word of
contempt is not registered when we pronounce it through our tongue only but it
includes our thoughts and expression too.
Turning up our nose, cringing, making a weird face, can be some of the examples.
To abridge, the instant you feel a certain repulsion towards anything concerning
your parents, be it having to discuss the day with them or carrying out a chore
that they want you to be done with, it very much is worse than saying Uff.
Instead, they are the beings who deserve our utmost respect, as ALLAH S.W.T IN
THE SAME VERSE AS WELL AS IN OTHER PLACES ELEVATS KINDNESS TO PARETNS,
ESPECIALLY MOTHERS, to a status second only to the worship of ALLAH S.W.T
Himself.
In general, most statements of responsibility to parents include both father and
mother but the mother in Islam is granted more in this respect. So, making our
parents sad is one of the many ways to earn ALLAH S.W.T’s anger.
So cut the research short lets find out about “UFF” it’s a smallest of word
which describes anger and disrespect towards human being. Ali RaziALLAH S.W.T
said that if there would have been a smaller word than that ALLAH S.W.T swt had
mentioned that too.
Students of psychology knows very well that words have their impact either good
or bad, It’s the word that can hurt people and it is the words that give
courage, hope and affection. Action seldom hurts rather these are words which
hurt badly. I am not going to discuss about all words of exclamations but my
focus shall Insha’ALLAH S.W.T be on that specific word fie or uff, I shall try
to find out what exactly this word has got in it, ALLAH S.W.T (Subhanahu Wa
Ta’aalah) mentioned this word against word Kareem, which means its totally an
opposite word of uff the word Kareem is also a name of ALLAH S.W.T (Subhanahu Wa
Ta’aala) which means mercy, kindness, generosity, graciousness and love and
peace.
The relationship of the Muslim to his parents should be of the highest order of
human relationship and is on going, even beyond the point of death. In the Holy
Qur’an ALLAH S.W.T says “ And we have enjoined on man (to be good) to his
parents; in hardship upon hardship did his mother bear him (during pregnancy),
and in years twain was his weaning “ (Surah Luqman 31:14)
In that specific verse, the pregnancy and the period of breastfeeding are
specifically mentioned along with the commandment for us to be dutiful and
thankful to our parents. It is a stirring call onto us to bear in mind our
basis, when we were but helpless beings in our mother’s womb, so that we are
grateful to our mothers for carrying us thus. The bond that a mother, especially
a new mother, shares with her child is beyond compare. Most mothers live and
breath according to their child’s needs and demands.
New mothers get little or no sleep and they nibble on bites of anything they can
get their hands on. That unconditional love that a mother feels for her children
is a mercy and blessing from ALLAH S.W.T.
Recently fascinating research has been done regarding the power of words we
speak daily in our lives ( I am quoting Lynne Lee’s It's time to think before
you speak) Lynne is a Christian life coach and spiritual mentor) and she says
that Words can lead to stress, anguish and broken relationships. Words can ruin
lives. But words can also empower, encourage, uplift, and comfort. Words can be
the beginning of something great, and words can help bring about positive
change. Words can produce peace.
Before you speak harsh words, might it be wise to consider how these words go
beyond your intended target? Whether or not you possess power in other parts of
your life, you will always be able to use the power of words. Choose to wield
this power for positive creations. Words are more powerful than you realise.
They have the power to
wound or heal
discourage or encourage
tear down or build up
Your words have more power than you imagine. There's something creative and
powerful about the words you speak. That's why you need to think before you
speak.
The first step is to become aware of what you're saying. The second is to choose
to exercise self control. Your words have the power to bring life or death to
your life, your relationships and your future.
So If I elaborate all this in simple lines I would say that word of contempt
must not be uttered before your parents especially to mothers, as this specific
word UFF contains lethal impact , its toxication is more sever than any other
word it express distaste or disapproval, it is an exclamation denoting contempt
or dislike, an expression of disappointment, irritation or disgust, its an act
of despising; the feeling with which one regards that, which is esteemed mean,
vile or worthless; disdain; scorn. Let me tell you that only this specific word
UFF contains many swords of disobedience, arrogance, disgrace, shame and the
state of being despised. So it is time for us to rethink while talking to people
especially to our precious asset our mothers.
They create realities. ALLAH S.W.T subhanahu wa ta’aala spoke the universe into
being with words. When He said "Let there be light", there was light.
There are people who are emotional cripples today because of verbal abuse heaped
on them by their parents.
In the light of above, I would like to pose a question “why is it then that it
is our parents only who get harsh treatment and bitter words from us? How can be
grateful to even a stranger who does us a single act of kindness, even it if it
is as meager as getting us a glass of water. But, when it comes to our own
parents, we become negligent to the limitless favors that they have privileging
us with; can we make a list of all they do for us? But whether we pay any heed
or not, whether we show any good grace to them or not, they carry on… like a
blessed rain
There are people who are famous & successful today because one of their teachers
in school believed in them, and lavished praise & encouragement onto them.
We can bless someone, or we can curse them.
Our words can be like poisonous darts into the hearts of others to destroy them,
or our words can be a soothing balm. The choice is ours…..