Friendship is a term used to
denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this
sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem,
and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in
times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit
loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will
usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities.
They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice
and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate
reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more
than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating
the following on a consistent basis:
• the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
• sympathy and empathy,
• honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak
the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's
counterpart
• mutual understanding.
In a comparison of personal relationships, friendship is considered to be closer
than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both
friendships and associations. Friendship and association can be thought of as
spanning across the same continuum. The study of friendship is included in
sociology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology.
Various theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social
psychology, social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and
attachment styles. See Interpersonal relationships
• Friendship in history
Friendship is considered one of the central human experiences, and has been
sanctified by all major religions. The Epic of Gilgamesh, a Babylonian poem that
is among the earliest known literary works in history, chronicles in great depth
the friendship between Gilgamesh and Enkidu. The Greco-Roman had, as paramount
examples, the friendship of Orestes and Pylades, and, in Virgil's Aeneid, the
friendship of Euryalus and Nisus. The Abrahamic faiths have the story of David
and Jonathan. Friendship played an important role in German Romanticism. A good
example for this is Schiller's Die Bürgschaft. The Christian Gospels state that
Jesus Christ declared, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down
his life for his friends."(John 15:13).
In philosophy, Aristotle is known for his discussion (in the Nicomachean Ethics)
of philia, which is usually (somewhat misleadingly) translated as "friendship,"
and certainly includes friendship, though is a much broader concept.
Cultural variations
A group of friends consists of two or more people who are in a mutually pleasing
relationship engendering a sentiment of camaraderie, exclusivity, and mutual
trust. There are varying degrees of "closeness" between friends. Hence, some
people choose to differentiate and categorize friendships based on this
sentiment.
Rome
During the time of the Roman Empire, Cicero had his own beliefs on friendship.
Cicero believed that in order to have a true friendship with someone there must
be all honesty and truth. If there isn’t, then this isn’t a true friendship. In
that case, friends must be one hundred percent honest with each other and put
one hundred percent of their trust in the other person. Cicero also believed
that for people to be friends with another person, they must do things without
the expectation that their friend will have to repay them. He also believes that
if a friend is about to do something wrong, and something that goes against your
morals, you shouldn’t compromise your morals. You must explain why what they are
going to do is wrong, and help them to see what the right thing to do is,
because Cicero believes that ignorance is the cause of evil. Finally the last
thing that Cicero believed was that the reason that a friendship comes to an end
is because one person in that friendship has become bad. (On Friendship, Cicero)
Russia
The relationship is constructed differently in different cultures. In Russia,
for example, one typically accords very few people the status of "friend". These
friendships, however, make up in intensity what they lack in number. Friends are
entitled to call each other by their first names alone, and to use diminutives.
A norm of polite behaviour is addressing "acquaintances" by full first name plus
patronymic. These could include relationships which elsewhere would be qualified
as real friendships, such as workplace relationships of long standing, neighbors
with whom one shares an occasional meal and visit, and so on. Physical contact
between friends was expected, and friends, whether or not of the same sex, would
embrace, sometimes kiss and walk in public with their arms around each other, or
arm-in-arm, or hand-in-hand.
Asia
In the Middle East and Central Asia, male friendships, while less restricted
than in Russia, tend also to be reserved and respectable in nature. They may use
nick names and diminutive forms of their first names.
Modern west
In the Western world, intimate physical contact has been sexualized in the
public mind over the last one hundred years and is considered almost taboo in
friendship, especially between two males. However, stylized hugging or kissing
may be considered acceptable, depending on the context (see, for example, the
kiss the tramp gives the kid in The Kid). In Spain and other Mediterranean
countries, men may embrace each other in public and kiss each other on the
cheek. This is not limited solely to older generations but rather is present
throughout all generations. In young children throughout the modern Western
world, friendship, usually of a homosocial nature, typically exhibits elements
of a closeness and intimacy suppressed later in life in order to conform to
societal standards.
Decline of close friendships in U.S. civilization
According to a 2006 study documented in the journal The American Sociological
Review, Americans are thought to be suffering a loss in the quality and quantity
of close friendships since at least 1985.[1] The study states 25% of Americans
have no close confidants, and the average total number of confidants per citizen
has dropped to two.
According to the study:
• Americans' dependence on family as a safety net went up from 57% to 80%
• Americans' dependence on a partner or spouse went up from 5% to 9%
• Research has found a link between fewer friendships (that is strong personal
relationships in general, not excluding
family and partner/spousal relationships) and psychological and physiological
regression
In recent times, it is postulated modern American friendships have lost the
force and importance they had in antiquity. C. S. Lewis for example, in his The
Four Loves, writes:
"To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all
loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. The modern world, in
comparison, ignores it. We admit of course that besides a wife and family a man
needs a few 'friends'. But the very tone of the admission, and the sort of
acquaintanceships which those who make it would describe as 'friendships', show
clearly that what they are talking about has very little to do with that Philía
which Aristotle classified among the virtues or that Amicitia on which Cicero
wrote a book."
Developmental issues
Two friends
In the sequence of the emotional development of the individual, friendships come
after parental bonding and before the pair bonding engaged in at the approach of
maturity. In the intervening period between the end of early childhood and the
onset of full adulthood, friendships are often the most important relationships
in the emotional life of the adolescent, and are often more intense than
relationships later in life[citation needed]. However making friends seems to
trouble lots of people[citation needed]; having no friends can be emotionally
damaging in some cases[citation needed]. Sometimes going years without a single
friend can lead to suicide[citation needed]. A long time of friendship may also
result in marriage, as they say[who?], too much friendship, is followed by a
compromise.
A study by researchers from Purdue University found that post secondary
education (e.g. university) friendships last longer than the friendships before
it.[citation needed]
Types of friendships
Best friend (or close friend): a person(s) with whom someone shares extremely
strong interpersonal ties with as a friend.
Acquaintance: similar to a friend, but sharing of emotional ties aren't present.
An example would be a coworker whom you enjoy eating lunch with, but would not
look to for emotional support.
Romantic friendship: the very close but non-sexual friendship shared between two
friends, often involving physical contact such as hugging, holding hands, and
even cuddling.
Soulmate: the name given to someone who is considered the ultimate, true, and
eternal half of the other's soul, in which the two are and forever were meant to
be together.
Pen pal: a person who shares a "postal" relationship with another and regularly
write via "snail mail". They may or may not have met each other in person and
may share either love, friendship, or simply an acquaintence between each other.
Internet friendship: a widely debated and criticized form of friendship or
romance which takes place over the Internet. It is similar to a pen pal, in a
sense a "technologically modern" form of pen pals, and the people may or may not
have met in person. It's often considered dangerous.
Comrade: means "ally", "friend", or "colleague" in a military or left-wing
political connotation. This is the feeling of affinity that draws people
together in time of war or when people have a mutual enemy or even a common
goal. Friendship can be mistaken for comradeship. Former New York Times war
correspondent Chris Hedges wrote:
"We feel in wartime comradeship. We confuse this with friendship, with love.
There are those, who will insist that the comradeship of war is love — the
exotic glow that makes us in war feel as one people, one entity, is real, but
this is part of war's intoxication. [...] Friends are predetermined; friendship
takes place between men and women who possess an intellectual and emotional
affinity for each other. But comradeship – that ecstatic bliss that comes with
belonging to the crowd in wartime – is within our reach. We can all have
comrades."[2]
As a war ends, or a common enemy recedes, many comrades return to being
strangers, who lack friendship and have little in common.
Casual relationship or "Friends with benefits": the sexual or near-sexual and
emotional relationship between two people who don't expect or demand to share a
formal romantic relationship. In the U.S., this is considered "a fling".
Boston marriage: a term used in the ninteenth and twentieth centuries to denote
two women that lived together in the same household independent of male support.
Relationships weren't necessarily sexual. It was used to quell fears of lesbians
after WWI.
Blood brother or blood sister: may refer to people related by birth, or a circle
of friends who swear loyalty by mingling the blood of each member together.
Open relationship: a relationship, usually between two people, that agree each
partner is free to have sexual intercourse with others outside the relationship.
When this agreement is made between a married couple, it's called an open
marriage.
Roommate: a person who shares a room or apartment (flat) with another person and
do not share a familial or romantic
relationship.
Imaginary friend: a non-physical friend created by a child. It may be seen as
bad behavior or even taboo (some parents even consider their child to be
possessed by an evil spirit), but is most commonly regarded as harmless, typical
childhood behavior. The friend may or may not be human, and commonly serves a
protective purpose.
Love
See also: Marriage
Love is closely related to friendship in that it involves strong interpersonal
ties between two or more people. A child may love his or her parents or a man
may love a woman. Love can also be used in non-personal terms such as a girl may
love soccer or someone may love their favorite color.
In terms of interpersonal relationships, there are two distinct types of love:
1. Platonic love: considered the non-sexual relationship between two people who
share strong desireable feelings for one another.
2. Romantic love: considered similar to Platonic love, but involves sexual
elements.
Non-personal friendships
Although the term initially described relations between individuals, it is at
times used for political purposes to describe relations between states or
peoples ("the Franco-German friendship", for example), indicating in this case
an affinity or mutuality of purpose between the two nations.
Regarding this aspect of international relations, Lord Palmerston said:
"Therefore I say that it is a narrow policy to suppose that this country or that
is to be marked out as the eternal ally or the perpetual enemy of England. We
have no eternal allies, and we have no perpetual enemies. Our interests are
eternal and perpetual, and those interests it is our duty to follow."[3] This is
often paraphrased as: "Nations have no permanent friends and no permanent
enemies. Only permanent interests."
The word "friendship" can be used in political speeches as an emotive modifier.
Friendship in international relationships often refers to the quality of
historical, existing, or anticipated bilateral relationships.
Interspecies friendship and animal friendship
Friendship as a type of interpersonal relationship is found also among animals
with high intelligence, such as the higher mammals and some birds. Cross-species
friendships are common between humans and domestic animals. Less common but
noteworthy are friendships between an animal and another animal of a different
species, such as a dog and cat.
See also: ethology, altruism in animals, sociobiology
Colloquial terms
A number of colloquial terms have been used to describe friendship and the
context in which a friendship is fostered. These are briefly described below.
• A friend who supports others only when it is easy and convenient to do so is
called a "fair-weather friend".
• A friend who supports their own friends through emotional difficulties is a
"true friend." This term also denotes a large degree of altruism, in that the
true friend often sacrifices something of his or her own (usually their time and
resources) in order to help the friend in need.
• Friends who are sexually intimate but don't consider themselves to be dating
is said to be a "casual relationship". This is also referred to as being
"friends with benefits".
• A "best friend" is a friend to whom one feels closest. It is usually implied
that the relationship is reciprocal, but such is not always the case, and best
friend relationships can often be very complex.