Have you ever noticed the
difference in people who are able to easily let go of anger and forgive, and
those who stay in anger and blame?
What I have noticed is that those who continue to stay in blame and anger are
often people who see themselves as victims of other people's choices. I've
noticed that people who stay angry at someone are generally people who are very
controlling and believe that they can control someone else's behaviour through
punishment - anger, blame, judgment, and so on.
If you hang on to anger, blame and resentment, what happens to you? You end up
feeling miserable. Whenever someone behaves in a manner that I find
unacceptable, I attempt to understand the good reasons behind the unacceptable
Even though I choose compassion rather than judgment when others behave in
unacceptable ways, this does not mean that I want to continue to be around the
person. I can fully understand why the person acted as he or she did, yet still
decide that being around this person is not in my highest good.
If your intent is to control, then you hope that by not being around that
person, he or she will learn their lesson and change their behaviour. You have
not really decided to end the relationship. You have a secret hope that by
distancing yourself, you can have control over whether or not this person
If someone behaves in a way that is not acceptable to you, this does not mean
that you need to leave the relationship. It does mean that you need to accept
that it may happen again and that there is nothing you can do about it. You have
no control over another's choices. Again, hanging on to blame and resentment
will only make you miserable. If you decide to stay, then you need to decide how
to take loving care of yourself in the face of the other's unacceptable
behaviour. When you are truly taking loving care of yourself, then you will find
you can easily forgive the other person.
The blessing of forgiveness is that it allows you to let go of life-draining
resentment and open to love and joy.