What Is The Criteria To Choose Life Partner?

(Rameez Ahmad Taquee, Delhi)

By Rameez Ahmad Taquee -
It is generally considered that the human being is a social animal. Their nature makes them earn a living among those who are like them. And it is their basic need. If it would been enough for human beings that they would had food and shelter to live their lives and clothes to cover their nakedness, they would have got a great pleasure and happiness even in prison because, all their needs on the surface of the earth are being provided for them without any hard ship.

And when the children grow into youth they become slaves to their necessities and start planning for their families. It rarely happens that they would live among parents forever.

But husbands and wives are life partners forever whether in happiness or sorrow because they promise to live together in every condition and environment. Therefore the glorious Qur'an has explained that the husband and wife are like a dress for each other as it says: ''Women are dress for you and you are dress for them''. (Albaqarah 187)

This is a beautiful, unparalleled, and meaningful way of describing the close relations between husband and wife. Just as a dress hides the nakedness and also protects the wearer against heat and cold, in the same way a couple is close to each other.

And in the dress of life, it means in the selection of husband and wife we should adopt the same views. Thus the Prophet (saws) is reported to have said: Women are married for four things: for her wealth, her family back ground, her beauty and for her religious nature, and so go for her religious nature”. (Bukhari 5090)

The Prophet (saw) further explained about it in another Hadith: “If you get married on seeing her beauty, it might happen that her beauty may destroy her image. And if you get married because of her wealth, it makes her arrogant. So marry one only if she has Deen. And a black and pious slave is the best. And in one Hadith it has been mentioned that the wealth goes and comes and beauty comes to an end. Therefore do not cherish it.

Further he said in another Hadith: ''The best amongst the wealth of the world is the pious women”. (Muslim 1467) So religious and pious women are also like agreeable dresses. Because the righteous deeds are based on the fear of Allah Almighty. Piety is constant and a great help to the husband. Thus knowledge and piety remain in their descendants.

One day Hadhrat Umar Farooque (ra) passed nearby one house in the street of Madinah. Suddenly he stopped in front of one house. The woman was saying to her daughter: ''Mix the water in the milk.'’

Her daughter said: “O, my mother! You do not know, Amirul M'umenin has announced that nobody should mix water in the milk”. The mother replied: “Is Amirul M'uminin here?” The daughter said, and what a saying! “Mother! Though Amirul Mu'minin is not here, but the Lord of Amirul Mu'minin is here and He knows all the things”.

Hadhrat Umar (ra) was extremely interested in their conversation, as he was standing behind the house, and it made him so surprised. He marked the house and came back. Later, he sent a marriage proposal to them for his son, A'sim (ra). It was the result of his good selection that Hadhrat Umar bin Abdul Aziz was born in her descendant through her daughter. Later he was known near and far as Umar-e-thani for his piety, morality, justice and equality.

Hadhrat Saeed bin Musayyib (ra) attained the highest knowledge of Hadith and Fiqh. One day the king of those days sent a marriage proposal to him for his daughter. He refused the marriage proposal for the king's son. But the fear was that the king would insist and he might force him. So the problem persisted. But meanwhile one thing happened that one of his intelligent, good-natured pupil come to his class after being absent for some time.

He saw him and said: “My dear I can see anxious expression on your face.'' Student replied, “Yes sir! The matter is that my wife has passed away. Therefore I became absent'. The teacher asked him: “Are you ready to get married again?” He said: “Who will bother to marry his daughter to such a person as poor as me?” The teacher said: “Only tell me, whether you agree or not”? This obedient student said: “Yes”. The teacher married his daughter to his needy, poor, but pure in heart student.

Then at the end of day, he brought his daughter and went to his house of his own accord, and knocked the door. He asked: “Who are you?” The teacher replied: “I am Saeed”. The student became afraid, and thought himself, what did compel him to come to me unexpectedly.He rushed to open the door.

And he was puzzled for a few moments, when he saw the teacher with his girl. The teacher said to him “I thought when you have got married with my daughter, why should you be alone? Therefore I have brought your wife so that you both can live together”.

This selection of son-in-law was only on the basis of Deen and on good conduct. If a pious girl would come in the house and son- in-law would have a good character, so Deen and righteous deeds will prevail in the house, and family members would be punctual in Salah.

See the newspapers at present, and go through the advertisements of marriage, and you come to know the people's choice of boys and girls: that she should not less than any prettiest fairy, she must be educated and her height should be so and so. But they do not care about religious virtues and piety at all.

Muslim community is also becoming very lax in looking for moral values in their daughters-in-law. And sometime it occurs that Muslim women get married with non-Muslims. Not only this, but many couples are opting to get married without their parents' consent. This is a very deplorable situation. Unless there is widespread move to raise awareness about moral values, not only about marriage, but the whole gamut of human existence, things might turn out to be more difficult for society as a whole.

 

Rameez Ahmad Taquee
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