I feel like an orphan even
though I have parents that are physically here. I think my parents are messed up
and that's why I had a messed up childhood also. I've been wanting to move out
ever since I was a teenager but I don't have money and its hard for me to find a
job because I'm too shy and don't have the motivation to do anything. I'm always
feeling stuck like change is not going to happen.
Basically I've always felt like my parents are not competent in parenting. So
I've been blaming them for our messed up lives because they should at least know
the basics of being parents: caring for their children. I feel like all they do
is provide for us financially. I'm so frustrated at people like my "parents" who
can so easily have children but do not plan on educating themselves on
parenting. If they are not mature enough to do even that why bother in having
children?
My parents always compared me with other children they knew who was doing great
in study. They never asked me what I want to be or what I want to do. They gave
me everything, no doubt, they tried their best to keep me happy but I never
wanted what they were giving me.
Since childhood I loved to be free without any control to do my own things which
I love to do. I have a elder sister and my parents always used to say that I am
not like her. They never understood me.Whenever I tried to make them understand
they always said they knows everything they have seen the world . Yes I agree
they have seen the world they have experience but they not living in present.
they are following tradition not looking forward for change.
My Father on the other hand always spoiled us from when we were children. He was
just never really there because of work. I've thought of him as a bad person
because of the way he treats us.
So if i feel to talk to my parents about how unhappy I am I can't say anything
cause even after 19years they don't understand me. Time passed and at this stage
today I have no feelings left for my parents. I need mother I need father but
where are they? do they going to listen me? do they understanding me still? NO.
I am making me happy by meeting with my friends Mother And Father as my Mama
Baba. but still I feel like orphan. My own parents who gave me birth not
understanding me at all. when i see a child with mother or father and happy it
makes me cry. They can't even guess from my voice that I am not happy when my
best friend can find out from my voice that i m not happy. Its just worse than
orphan. I really don't know what to do to get my parents to understand me
atleast now its still not late. I need them before I totally just lost in life.